I finally have the man of my dreams back in my life but we are separated by 100’s of miles.
We had an intense 10 days where declarations and commitments were made and even though I feel Infinitely blessed to have him not only back in my life, but back in as mine, I feel so cheated that our time physically together has been short.
Missing him is like a dull ache in my chest that just seems to grow with each day. I question what I’m doing home and why I’m not with him right this fucking second.
This separation by only distance is going to teach me a lot about patience and faith. He needs to get settled in his business and I need experience in a kitchen. This time apart will allow us to grow professionally and also force us to pause and grow a relationship together that isn’t just filled with crazed lust and longing.
But god dammit I just want to be near him. At all times.
It started three years ago. It lived on this blog. It died in my apartment. My heart was broken.
He was tall, salt and pepper, a carpenter, a photographer. I knew on our first date when he said “Fuck Brooklyn. All the guys jeans are too skinny” and “I’ll build you a coffee table.”
On our first date I let him hold my hand. I allowed a kiss.
Three months later we parted, both in hysterical tears because we knew it wasn’t over but for now, we had to go our separate ways.
Three years later we came back. I saw him for the first time, bearded and hairy. The waitress in mid sentence “Do you need…” interrupted by a slow shit eating grin on his face and a bright smile on mine. Enveloped in a long lingering hug, similar to when we parted, and a quick kiss and eye gaze.
Within minutes the conversation turned to “we”, “us” and “ours”. Over the next few days plans were made for me to see. See his world. See if I want to be incorporated. See if we could live where he is.
Three years. In the last three years he has found himself. A farmer. An ocean man. A businessman. A brilliant one. Me. A chef. Happy. Content. Entrepreneurial.
In the last three years we found ourselves, we found each other, and now our future.