Showing posts tagged breaking up

How does one pick up the pieces?

So here was this man. This gorgeous man with a crooked smile. He wanted me, talked about our life together, and then he didn’t. 

He ran away again. This time for good. And I am broken.

How does one move forward from the conversations where you had planned your life with a person? Named children, built imaginary houses and empires. Spoke of the future like a tangible and inevitable thing. How do you move on from the feeling that this was it. You were done. You thought that no matter what life threw at you it didn’t matter because you both were in it.

And then he was gone, again. He speaks the unthinkable:

"I never think about you. And if I was in love with you, I would think about you. And I don’t. I’m just not in love with you."

How do you move forward?  

I just don’t know.

Heartbreak continues re

  • Coworker: Have you bought your ticket?
  • Me: For what?
  • Coworker: For June. Maryland?
  • Me: Why would I go to Maryland in June?
  • Coworker: To see your boyfriend?
  • Me: We broke up.
  • Coworker: Oh? He couldn't handle the long distance?
  • Me: He couldn't handle a lot of things. That's what happens when you get in a relationship with a Narcissist.
  • Coworker: Oh. Then it's your fault if you knew.
  • Me: I guess. Maybe I'm a Sadist.

Truth vs. The Lies

I’ll build us a house. 

I’m just not in love with you.

In this house we’ll have a huge bed.

I’m just not in love with you.

With two washers and dryers, one upstairs and one down.

I’m just not in love with you.

And I’ll build you whatever you want for a kitchen.

I’m just not in love with you.

I want to homeschool our children.

I’m just not in love with you.

What shall we call them? How about X, Y or Z?

I’m just not in love with you.

I feel the most connected to you than anyone else.

I’m just not in love with you.

I miss you more than anyone else in the world.

I’m just not in love with you.

I want to build an empire with you.

i’m just not in love with you.

I’m so excited you’re here.

I’m just not in love with you.

I really hope this works out.  I feel like a little kid having you here.

I’m.just.not.in.love.with.you.

It is the worlds cruelest joke to have you fall in love with someone only to find out they don’t love you back.

I’m just not in love with you.
Said the man who just broke my heart (again).

this is why I’m done with douchebags/dickheads/idiots

can you imagine receiving that as a girl?

dropped
him
like
a hot
potato

Awkward conversation for a girl for her girl - neither of which are "me"

  • Girl: Aren't you guys together??
  • Swag and me: No
  • Girl: No you're bf and gf
  • Swag and me: No, we're not
  • Girl: I can totally tell
  • Swag and me: No seriously, we're not
  • Girl: Oh come on! Someone told me you were
  • Swag and me: Look at each other awkwardly...I silently walk away

After an awkward night in the kitchen

  • Swag (text): Are we cool? Are you cool?
  • Me (text): Dude - you broke it off. You can't expect me to do cartwheels around you. It's gonna be awkward but lucky for us it's almost over.
  • Swag ( text): Sorry i didnt know you felt bad or awkward about all of it, ill let you be
  • Me - silently crushed that it still needs to be reiterated that he has dumped me and no, he has not realized his potentially fatal mistake.
  • Friend: But I'm confused - what do you expect from these relationships?
  • Me: I'm tired of just because I might be leaving or I'm from another country everything has to be labeled as either " must end" or can only be "casual". I really just want to meet someone and just see how things go. Why does everything have to be defined? Can't it just be "hey you're cool I like you let's see if we like each other?" and then just figure it out along the way? How is that so hard? From now I'm just gonna be upfront and say "Not interested in casual. Here is my life. Take it or leave it."
  • Friend: Well since you don't know where you'll be in 6 months that might work, or it might not.
  • Me: That's if I meet someone. Right now "this" (waves arms around body) is on lock down.
  • Friend: Fair enough!

Letting go

Things with the Frenchman were getting serious. We were dating for 4 months and things were moving towards boyfriend/girlfriend calling. So I did the sensible thing. I broke up with him.

And I did it the shittiest way possible.

I feel like the total asshole I am. I’m a huge coward. But.

It’s hard for me to try and tell him he’s better off. That I was leaving, soon. That being with me was a recipe for a disaster and heart break. So I cut it off now to spare both of us. And our hearts.

Still sucks though.