One of my really great friends is going through a break up. It’s hard, and sucky, and all I want to tell her is the guy’s a douche for not chomping at the bit to be with her, cause she’s frankly, awesome. But as I listen, I can’t help but see the parallels.
This douche had great potential to be “the one”. He was older, established, financially stable, and looking for a partner in life. She fit all the criteria, they got a long very well and moved fast (like keys given to apt fast). It didn’t feel rushed, it felt normal. And then it stopped, abruptly, because he didn’t know. He had doubts. He needed time. She hopes he’ll come to his senses and come back.
Last year I went through a very similar experience. The dude and I clicked. I giddly told everyone I hoped he’d be around for a long time. We had “enormous” potential. He felt the same and then poof. He needed space. Time. It was too much for him, he wasn’t ready for serious and he ran. Far (to another state in fact). He asked for time to sort himself out. I gave it to him completely unwillingingly, and then I hoped, for longer than I’d like to admit, that he’d come back.
I want to tell my friend he’s not worth it. You are so much better without him. Waiting, or hoping, isn’t worth your time or energy. She wants to defend him, and I did the same when he and I broke up. “No no no, you don’t understand. I could see the pain in his eyes, he truly cares about me…he CRIED for petes sake, he’s just not ready….” And then I stopped. I stopped defending the man that broke my heart. Because he broke my heart. And this boy has done the same to her.
Time is the only thing that heals. Time gives you perspective. Gives you the space to understand, he wasn’t “the one”. We weren’t that compatible. We were wrapped up in a fantasy. None of it was real, and most importantly, you finally admit to yourself that it would never have worked.
And then your heart does a magical thing and starts piecing it’s self back together. You miss him less, then you don’t at all. You’re open to meeting someone else, get excited about dating, have more butterflies, and get giddy for someone new.
Someone that could be better for you.